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How did I leave the house today with a black skirt on and brown heels?

thoughts on weaning...

So as I have posted about previously, nursing while pregnant has proven to be a challenge. Not because of my ever-expanding belly but because of the pain that it causes me (and I hate to even say that b/c I think that I am the exception to the rule!). Supposedly the nipple pain should go away by the end of the first trimester, but not always, and of course, I fall right in to the not always area. When I first got pregnant, B-man was nursing 2-3 times a day (after work, before bed, in the am), but b/c of how it felt to me, I opted to reduce those time, or attempt too. Then we were at a before bed feeding and an AM feeding (except for nights or mornings that PJ took over in which Bman took a bottle, and gladly!). Well, for a while I had to totally cut out feeding on one side b/c nursing brought tears to my eyes, but then we resumed on both sides. Well, unfortunately, the left side is just very tender, so we now exclusively nurse on the right, which doesn't seem to bother B-man or me, thankfully. But b/c of the continued pain (and lessening supply) I did make the decision that we would try a bottle in the am for that feeding, which amazingly enough not only worked well, but got him back to sleep faster!

Here's where the problem comes in. Somehow I got it in my head that B probably needed to be done with AM feedings. So some mornings I wouldn't offer and after some fussing next to mom, he would eventually fall back asleep. These were rare events. Most mornings I would get the bottle, he would suck is down, and then soon fall back asleep for another 1-2 hours (nice for me getting ready alone and quickly in the am!). But the pressure of having two little ones has started getting to me and I have fallen in to the idea that not only should he not need the am bottle, but he should be sleeping in his bed more - mainly b/c selfishly I don't want to be getting up with two in the middle of the night/wee hours of the morning.

So this weekend we embarked on a bottle free morning. Yikes. I'm tired. Saturday and Sunday morning were full of tears, frustration, and little sleep. And why did I make that decision again? Lots of people had their opinions about all this for me (of course), which is fine (of course!) but mainly those involved getting rid of the bottle entirely. Which we weren't ready to do. Since B nurses to sleep when I put him down, the bottle is how is daddy gets him to sleep. It works for us. We aren't ready to give that up (we go to the dentist for the first time next month I am anticipating their feeling that we need to give that up - hmmmm....not happening), so we will not. Anyway, last night I was talking to my mom about the weekend and the no more bottle in the am plan and she was like, why? Is it necesary? What's the point? And at the time I told her that it was b/c I wanted him to sleep longer........but as this weekend proved, not only did that NOT happen, it backfired. So I have been considering my mom's words ever since...... and this morning when B woke up next to his daddy at 5:30am crying for his comfort bottle (and of course we were out of milk), I gave in and nursed him. Of course, problem with that is, with the bottle, it has a definite END and B will hand it to me and roll over to sleep. With me/nursing, there is no end in site with the am nursing and after 45 minutes this morning I could not handle it anymore (after the milk is gone it really starts to hurt again!) and popped him off, which resulted in tears and anger and frustration.

Needless to say, the am bottle full of lactose free whole milk resumes again tomorrow morning. And I think all members of our household are looking forward to the sleep it will bring.

influences

Do you ever wonder what has influenced you to make you the way you are? I was thinking about the book, Midwives, this weekend b/c I am reading another book by that author..... and then I noticed this post http://www.blisstree.com/breastfeeding123/the-red-tent-model-of-support/ about the Red Tent, and I wondered....as someone who loves to read, and who read both of these books LONG before marraige and children were even in my thoughts, did these somehow influence the decisions I am making today on some level? Of course, how I was raised, my general personality, and my desire to make researched and informed decisions also play a part.....but it makes you wonder.....at least it makes me wonder.....

documentary - the business of being born

So I meant to write this post last week when it was all fresh in my mind and I was all fired up, but tonight will just have to do (had a great weekend in STL btw, my dad was totally surprised for his surprise 60th party!). Anyway, last Thursday night I watched the documentary, The Business of Being Born. You may remember it from when it was first released - people all had their panties in a wad about Ricki Lake (Executive Producer) showing her homebirth in this film. Oh people, just get over it. Anyway, I really enjoyed the documentary. But it totally reaffirmed my feelings on what is WRONG with giving birth in America. The main word being intervention - unnecessary intervention. And how one thing leads to the next and the next and so on and how for the love of our child, it is so easy to say yes b/c how could you possibly say no when someone tells you that it is in the best interest of your child?

I did cry, no joke, at least 6 times during the documentary. Everytime a baby was born I became a blubbering fool - it was just beautiful to watch. More about that on mccoolbaby.blogspot.com.

Anyway - probably one of the things that really struck me was when someone that was interviewed (maybe one of the drs) talked about how giving birth naturally (and by naturally I don't just mean vaginally, but drug-free) doesn't come with a badge of honor. I remember people telling me that when I was vocal about my hopes for my birth with Brennan, and at the time it bothered me, but I could not pin point why or decide how I should best respond. But as someone else pointed out in this documentary, it is more about the experience than the result. And I thought - YES - yes, that is it - of course we all want the end result, a healthy baby - but the the story of a birth is something that you remember for the rest of your life and it should be so special and ideally the way you want it! And for me, that means intervention and drug free if possible. I want to experience the entire labor - and last time I was so thrilled to experience 13 hours of intense labor, but not thrilled with the outcome of a c-section. And this time I really hope that in addition to experiencing the labor, I get to experience the entire birth.

Okay, so back to my soapbox about c-sections. It just makes me sad to think that so many doctors encourage women to have subsequent sections instead of encouaging VBACs. Women seem to forget that sections are MAJOR abdominal surgery - and every time you have another one, you are putting yourself at greater risk for complications and infection. Why would anyone want to knowingly do that? Why would a dr say that is the best option? Yes, sections can be planned and quick and you don't have to wait for labor to run its course, but does that make it okay? And I understand that there are situations that warrant a section - especially in higher risk situations, but should they really be an option just for convenience? It just bothers me. I am thankful to have a dr who was like, of course we will attempt a VBAC. But why is my dr like that and others are not? why is it that every friend I know who had a section and then a subsequent pregnancy, had a second section (not trying to offend any of you who read this) - why is that okay? As far as I know, I believe that VBACs are a safer alternative and the recommendation yet our culture doesn't reflect that. Goodness, it is sickening to think that the US has one of the highest infant mortality rates in industrialized nations. What does that say about how we choose to have babies? Maybe we need to rethink doulas and midwives and birthing centers and women feeling EMPOWERED to make educated decisions about their births (and doctors who encourage and support dialogue and informed decisions - not just blind following blind).

My friend Maria has a few posts about this documentary as well which are very well written and interesting of course!
http://mariawj.blogspot.com/2008/03/business-of-being-born.html
http://mariawj.blogspot.com/2008/06/childbirth.html
and a few others if you do a search.

And as Maria mentioned and I agree - interventions do have a place in our society, even c-sections. I also think that we all have the right to make choices about what is best for our own births and should not be judged for our choices. That being said, I just wish drs encouraged more dialogue and that birth was not viewed as such a scary and painful event. Considering the history of it all, not that surprising, though not too late to change. Obviously Brennan's birth didn't go exactly as planned....but I can live with how it proceeded...

Obviously the Cow Goddess is on a c-section kick as well - read the last few comic:
http://www.thecowgoddess.com/