Is one era of nursing over?

Has I have posted previously, with the birth of baby #2, nursing B has resulted in mixed emotions for me. And I think weaning has happened. Mostly because of me. I think.

B asked to nurse earlier this week one morning. I said okay. And then it was strange - it was like he forgot how. I had heard of this before, but never really thought it would happen. And it did. Hmmmmm....I think I am okay with it. And really, the only time B asks to nurse is if he sees me nursing C or I am getting dressed. And once I am dressed, he is on to asking for a waffle or begging to watch Diego. So I guess that means he is good with it too? Okay.

Post baby body getting back to normal. Finally fit in to my work pants again this week. Pre-prego jeans are still a no-go. Someday. Trying to run 3x a week, and my goal is to do pilates 2-3X a week to, but it only happened once this past week. Eating fairly well. It took at least 3-4 months after B to fit in to my clothes, slightly longer this time. Time and patience. My dr told me to give it 12 months. Like it ever really goes back to normal though.....ya know, things just change. Trying to embrace it.

Where did my other blog go?

New URL - www.mamamccool.blogspot.com

Our daycare community

Last night, I was headed to our daycare Halloween party, I started reflecting on how great it is that our daycare feels like a family to me. To preface, I want to share that I do not think that one kind of daycare is the best. For each family that has to or chooses to use daycare, it is all about finding the right fit. We struggled with whether or not go to with a home or a center and for our family, a home was the best fit.

Our daycare is like a family for our family - my kids are together everyday with the same 6 children (total of 8 kids). The kids range in ages from 4 months (Lil C!) to 5 years old (3 two year olds, 2 three year olds, 2 five year olds). The five year olds only attend two days a week b/c they also go to pre-k MWF. Sharon, the woman who watches the kids, has been doing this forever and it just come naturally to her. She calls us during the day if there is something to share and always is doing something special with the kids (for the parents!). I love how we have parties for the different holidays, but that it is a joint venture between the parents and Sharon - she doesn't have to do it all (for example - we all brought treats for the Halloween party yesterday and I made Spider cupcakes - big deal for me!). As parents, b/c there are so few of us, we all get to know each other pretty well and share in the joys of our children. Sharon's family is around a lot as well which adds to the community/family feel of our experience. Her husband, children, and grandchildren are always over - playing with the kids, helping clean, helping with naps, taking over if Sharon is ill or has to be away for a while. It is great! And of course, I love that I can enjoy the occasional glass of wine with Sharon as well after the day ends while we talk about life, kids, etc..... Overall, I am very pleased with my experience.

And while I know that if Brennan was in a more structured environment, there might be more organized learning going on, I am not sure if that matters right now. At two, I love that there is a lot of free play, lots of singing (he has started singing his ABCs and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star - but only if he thinks I am not paying attention!), and tons of outdoor time (no worries about my kids and Vit D!). And to me, that is important b.c all of those things are learning experiences for my children. They are learning social skills, learning how to interact and adapt to their environment, and learning from each other. Next year we will put Brennan in to preschool two mornings a week, but that is yet another benefit of our situation! Sharon is a full participant in that process and her husband takes/picks up the kids from the preschool - which is down the street from her house. It is a minimal cost, especially considering as parents, we don't have to stress about making it work with a full time job.

Looking forward to the upcoming Holiday Party.......and just hanging out at Sharon's in the evening when I pick up my kids - one of the best parts of my day!

How is it going?

Just wanted to post a small reflection on parenting two - now that we are 4 months in to it!
Things overall are going great - Brennan is a great big brother and really loves his sister. When she is napping, he wants to know where she is. He likes to point out to me when she is nursing (like I didn't know - smile), and if she fusses, he pats her back and tells her it is okay (I love how two year olds mimic what they see in an effort to learn their norms!). He is just so sweet to her. Tantrums have reduced significantly as well, though let's be honest - part of being a two year old means that tantrums are a part of life, but whining is the bigger part! My husband and I do our best to encourage B to communicate, though b/c he is still learning the words, he often will just look at us and say please.

Campbell is also doing well - she is getting stronger and stronger and loves to watch everything going on in the household. Sometimes Brennan can be a little loud for her liking and she let's us know. She is a baby who is easy to figure out for the most part - if she fusses it is b/c she is wet/dirty, hungry, or tired. And b/c we stay on top of all three things with her, it is pretty easy to figure out what each fuss means! She is also pretty good at putting herself to sleep. Often, b/c there are two children, I cannot rock or hold Campbell to sleep - especially in the middle of the day when Brennan is all over the place. Somtimes I wear C but other times I may put her down in the Moses basket and she just falls asleep without fuss. So different from Brennan.

I am finding that mothering two is going well. I enjoy it a lot - in fact my husband and I were just commenting to each other that parenting is the most amazing and rewarding and frustrating job - but we wouldn't trade a single moment of it for anything (though we immensely enjoyed our date night alone on Saturday night - our first one since c was born!).

So what about Nursing and Sleeping - our biggest hurdles and struggles?
Campbell is a nursing champ, though very efficient. Unlike her brother, when she is done eating, she does not hang out, but pops herself off and looks for her pacifier. She is quick and to the point with nursing. In the middle of the night she nurses 1-2 times, somtimes more, sometimes less. She has a little cold right now, so our nights are off from their normal routine (though is there a normal?). Brennan is not nursing much at all anymore - maybe 1-2 times a week, sometimes he still asks, and depending on when I last fed Campbell or what we are doing, I may say okay or we may move on to something else - usually without protest.

Sleep - well b/c Campbell and Brennan are in daycare, they are on a fairly consistent daytime sleep routine. Campbell is falling in to it all without any issue - though obviously sleeps the most out of the children in our daycare (home situation - she is the only infant). At night, Brennan goes down very easily - bath followed by Dora or Diego followed by reading and snuggling. and down he goes. no protest. He likes his routine. Campbell is not on a nighttime routine quite yet - we are working on it - same as Brennan, it's just that depending on her daytime naps, she may go to bed earlier or later than B.

Middle of night - if B wakes up (he usually does, but not every night anymore), he and PJ sleep together on the fouton. Campbell and I co-sleep. Sometimes she starts the night in the Moses Basket which is in the co-sleeper, other times she is just next to me, head on my arm. For now, this arrangement works well - though I look forward to sharing a bed with my husband someday again! (He is nervous about sleeping near the baby - plus Brennan is all over the place, so this is the safest situation for campbell!).

That's that. I am enjoying work - glad to be back full time, though some days still wish I could stay home. We have a good balance right now in our life and everyone is thriving. Wish I had more time to run but am managing 2-3 times a week - better than nothing. If only i had the time and money to start pilates classes again.......someday.

Supportive work environment

The first two weeks of day care, I noticed that C was eating a lot more at night. She was also doing a lot more comfort sucking. But lately that has really slowed down. Interestingly, she has gone back to nursing 1-2 times at night and only nursing to eat. Once she is done, she's off. She then wants her pacifier. So different from B!

I do have to appreciate my work environment - and believe that as a nursing mom, I have one of the best possible situations to encourage pumping. 1. I have a private office. 2. I have a supervisor who doesn't question my need to pump, but rather allows me to work it in my schedule when needed (I even left a meeting on Friday to pump!). 3. I am on a campus that encourages pumping (we have nursing mother's rooms for staff and students that need it). and 4. we are on a medical campus - so today when I got to work and realized I forgot my pump stuff, I just ran over to the hospital (specifically to the Expressions Store - a store for women on the L&D floor) and they GAVE me some bottles. Hello - how great is that? Thankgoodness I leave my pump here and randomly had some horns with my pump, but no bottles. Thank goodness my boss was also cool with me leaving to do that (though otherwise I would have had to go home either early or come back - and that would have taken significantly longer!).

There are two of us that pump in my office - both now with our second baby. It is much appreciated for sure by our children! :)

Traveling with a baby

What is the one way to make traveling with a baby EASY?! Use a baby carrier of course!

Last week I went to San Antonio for the National Academic Advising Annual Conference (NACADA) and since Campbell is only three months old, opted to bring her with me. As I prepared for the trip, I received lots of, "how are you going to manage" comments. My response - use the Ergo (the Ergo Baby Carrier)! It is my life saver! Rather than cart around the carseat and a stroller and all sorts of gear, I just strapped Campbell on to my chest with the Ergo and found myself happy and hands free! I didn't even need to check in our luggage b/c with the help of a backpack and a small rolling bag, we were good to go!

Even throughout the conference, I just used the Ergo, sat in the back of the sessions, and went along with things. When she needed to eat, we would find a comfortable couch for nursing, and I had a changing pad with me so I could change her diaper wherever there was a flat surface (I didn't find many family friendly restrooms in the San Antonio Convention Center - though I didn't look very hard either).

It was also refreshing and nice to see how supportive everyone I came across was of me having Campbell with me - both while I was traveling and while at the conference. No one commented about my frequent nursing (on the plane, in the airport, at the conference, on the riverwalk, at restaurants, etc...) instead Campbell got lots of oohs and ahhs and everyone felt it necessary to touch her (wish they would have asked, but whatever - not a huge deal - she is cute!). At the airport, this older woman kept telling me how impressed she was with my skills! She loved my nursing cover (which I do opt to use to make sure I can easily get Campbell latched on without being self-conscience of my breast hanging out for the world to see!), was impressed with the Ergo, and was amazed that I was out and about, let alone traveling alone with an infant. It was rewarding to hear her comment that.

My travel preference was affirmed when going thru security at the airport and I easily walked through with the carrier on, as I watched a family struggle to get the carseat, base, and stroller all checked out. I was thankful to not be in that position - though I understand there are times to travel with more, I choose not to if I can help it! What a hassle!

I have decided that the Ergo is one thing I could not live without as a mom. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE it! I also love my hooter hider, though only use it about 50% of the time in public. Just depends on the place, what I am wearing, and overall situation.

What are your travel preferences with an infant or small child? Any tricks to share or advice to give?

Sleeping and Nursing

Okay - because at the moment Campbell is sleeping, I am going to take advantage of it and post about two things......

1. Sleep.
So before C was born, Brennan started the night in his crib and then joined me in the middle of the night. We knew this couldn't continue when Campbell came along since she would be in bed with me instead. So for a while, Brennan and PJ slept on the futon or couch together, but then we decided that Brennan might actually sleep better and longer if he just stayed in his crib. The other thing we knew we had to change was getting him to bed, which tended to take about an hour of our time every night as we sat with him until he fell asleep. With PJ's demanding job and a baby that needed to nurse a lot at night, we felt like something had to give.

So to start out with, we worked on Brennan going to sleep without us. It was hard - he had to cry sometimes (which I was totally against, but at this age, it was different than as a newborn) but mostly he was just mad and yelled. Often it was totally fine and he just put himself to sleep without fuss. Yay!

Then we started working on the middle of the night - we did this in a variety of ways, but ended up letting him figure it out on his own for a few night in the middle of the night. Sometimes he and PJ still end up on the couch. Other times I may go in there to let him know I am there and calm him down, and other times he cries out for a minute and falls back to sleep. It has actually helped him sleep.

Now Campbell on the other hand is a testament to how different children, even though treated the same way, can just be totally different in how they react to a situation! Campbell and I bed-share, and go to sleep around 10pm - then even though she is right next to me, she sleeps until at least 3 or 4am before feeding. Then till 6am until she feeds on the other side. Seriously - Brennan never did that, and he slept right next to me too! He was an every hour eater - and people always thought it was b/c he was right next to me. I think not! This is an example of temperament, personality and need. Last night we went to bed at 8:45 (we were exhausted after a long wedding weekend!) and she didn't wake up until 4am! Though her brother was up at 3:30am and went to sleep on the futon with PJ. Just different. Campbell also likes to sleep in later than Brennan. Another thing - Brennan was always a belly sleeper, but Campbell hates to be on her belly and prefers to sleep on her back (and with a pacifier!).

Nursing.
All through my second pregnancy I nursed Brennan. I went in to nursing him thinking I would do it for 1 year, but then just continued b/c it worked for us and felt right. Now Brennan is two and still nursing, but with conditions. Since we have a newborn, her needs always come first for nursing. I have attempted tandem nursing (nursing two at the same time - literally, the same time), but I don't really find it comfortable and don't enjoy it. So often I will let Brennan nurse in the morning after Campbell. It is a challenge b/c he LOVES nursing, but to be honest, nursing him has started to annoy me. How horrible is that? It frustrates me to have such feelings, but I do, it is what it is. I try to encourage him not to nurse b/c of my feelings, but to respect his feelings, we compromise and often I will nurse him - especially when he is tired or not feeling well. Sometimes giving him a bottle of milk or water will help (especially if we are snuggling together). It is a struggle for us all to figure out how to balance this. I could go on, but need to shower before the little girl wakes up from her second nap of the day (and it is not even 10am!).

Mothering two!

Just wanted to post a few reflections on mothering two children.

So far, so good, but the few days were definitely overwhelming. We were lucky in the fact that Brennan's grandma and grandpa took him home for a few days while we were in the hospital and then after we got home for a few more days. This allowed us time to bond with the new baby and deal with the sleep or lack thereof that comes with newborns! Brennan has really enjoyed getting to know his new little sister and is doing great, for the most part. He had a freak out moment the first time he saw her nursing and wanted to pull her off of me - now he thinks that baby = nursing, so often he'll say, "hi baby - baby nurse" - it is precious.

Anyway - I have to admit that i was slightly overwhelmed when we had both home for the first time - it was hard to decide who needed our attention most b/c they always both wanted it at the same time! We are still sending Brennan to daycare which is helpful......b/c there is definitely the pull and tug of attention. This way, I am able to devote all my attention to Campbell during the day and at night I don't feel as guilty putting her in the bouncy or not holding her all the time. It is really important that we make sure Brennan still gets a lot of attention and knows how special he is.

We have experienced some issues - nursing is a big one - and I am going to post more on that in the future, but it has taken some adjusting b/c Brennan wants to nurse everytime he sees Campbell nursing - and I sometimes allow him and sometimes just bribe him (oh how fruit snacks and play doh are saving my life).... anyway, tantrums are another issue. Wow, the tantrums had started before Baby c's arrival, but they have quadrupled now - yikes - challenging! And then there is the sleep.... as you know, Brennan and I used to co-sleep but I knew that with a newborn, it would be too dangerous to have him in my bed, so we had to make some changes. That will be another post as well - but basically brennan went to co-sleeping with daddy while Campbell co-sleeps with me - though since Brennan had always started the night in his crib, we are working to transition him all night in to his crib. Two nights of success - which includes a sticker chart and the price of Mr. Potato Head after 7 nights/stickers!!!!!! Go Brennan!

Overall I love mothering two - it is overwhelming in many ways, but one of those is the love that you feel for both children immediately. I cannot imagine my life any other way - they are both so special and unique - campbell definitely already has her personality and it is a little more laid back than Brennan....... they are wonderful wonderful wonderful. I like this job!

I'm now a mother of two!

I have two children - yikes and oh my goodness - it is hard and wonderful and scary and overwhelming and absolutely amazing all at once! I have so much that I want to write about, but have not seem to have found the time. Right now, little baby girl Campbell is asleep in the baby carrier as I stand here typing..... and rather than type a lot, I need to take advantage of this and go rest myself... but wanted to post and list some things that I hope to blog about in the next couple of weeks including:

• mothering two children
• the first interaction with B and C
• tandem nursing
• nursing another one - differences with last time
• sleep - what are we doing with B and are we doing anything different with C
• managing the two year old tantrums and bribing him......

What else - anything else you want to read about???? I am sure there are plenty of topics to deal with!!!! Write on friends!

Took the plunge and got a new car

So excited - Friday night, after discussion since January and lots of looking online and reviewing finances, we took the plunge - traded in the trusty Civic for a Mom Car - a Ford Freestyle - complete with leather and a third row seat. Easily fits two car seats as well. I LOVE it! Not to mention it is the newest and lowest mileage car I have EVER purchased. And I thought life was good when I bought the Civic with 85K on it!

This is not my actual car, but resembles it in color - same color as PJ's Explorer - what a site we are in the neighborhood!

Side bar - PJ bought me the new DMB album yesterday - oh yeah totally LOVING it and WISH I were going to their concert - shouldn't I be able to regardless of the fact that it is occuring at the same time as my "guess date"?!!!!

baby bunnies

So Saturday while PJ was cutting the grass, we came across a nest of baby bunnies (in the two weeks we had not cut the grass they were obviously born!) - anyway, thankfully we did not run over any of them - but rather, put the dog inside and then watched them - they were scared, but we got to see a few up close. B-man loved it! Since then we have been watching them from our kitchen window and so cool, have been watching them nurse on momma bunny! It was so great to see the baby just flip on to its back and latch on. B got a kick out of it all too and I am so glad he got to experience such a natural thing!

Speaking of nursing - B is still going strong - I think we will be doing tandem nursing once #2 arrives! He no longer prefers nursing before bed though - totally is obsessed with the bottle which we now fill with water and he could care less. Okay - fine with me and better for the teeth! He loves to nurse after his nap though and sometimes first thing in the morning - though depending on what time we wake up drives that option....

Two great books - Ina Mays Guide to Childbirth AND how Biology and Culture shape the way we parent

Two books I recently read and LOVED!

1. Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - how had I gone so long in my life without reading this book? I loved it and it should be a MUST READ for all pregnant women or those who hope to have children someday. It was very insightful and informative. The first part of the book is a collection of birth stories which I skipped only b/c I was forced to break out by BOP (Bubble of Peace - a hypnobabies technique) too often. The second part was what I found to be very enjoyable and informative. Here is a review of it from Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1243880965&sr=8-1

And a few other places that reference it:

http://www.inamay.com/

http://www.llli.org/llleaderweb/LV/LVAprMay04p33.html

http://www.pregnancybirthandbabies.com/Favorite_Books.htm



TOTALLY WORTH READING!



2. I just finished, "Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent" which I was prompted to read after reading a review on this book over at Mamas Worldwide. Anyway - totally great book. The take home message for me - even though I may choose to parent differently than most American families, my choices are actually much more consistent with the world view on parenting (extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing, no cry it out option, etc...). It really felt validating to me. I hope others would consider reading it as well. The intro is totally dry, so skip that, but once you start, you cannot stop!
http://www.amazon.com/Our-Babies-Ourselves-Biology-Culture/dp/0385483627/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1243881207&sr=8-1

http://www.llli.org/llleaderweb/LV/LVAprMay99p38.html

http://www.enotalone.com/article/4581.html

Enjoy!

Oh - and two GREAT websites to look at as well - http://www.enjoybirth.com/ AND http://www.mybestbirth.com/

g 4 the b

So this weekend I finally took the plunge - toward gdiapers. But before I get there.....let's start at the beginning.

When I was pregnant with Brennan I did a lot of research - including research of diapers. I was determined to use cloth and invested quite a bit of money in to pre-folds, cloth inserts, extra liners, etc.... I worked with a local company to make my purchase and was so excited! Then B came along and I couldn't get them to work. The diapers were leaking, smelling, and I just couldn't get the hang of it. Not to mention my husband wasn't entirely on board, which made it all that much harder. So we gave up - and those diapers are still sitting in a big bag in my basement (okay - I totally need to put them up for sale on Craigs List!). I justified it with the idea that there were other things I was doing to help the environment - breastfeeding (we are still going strong!), recycling, using less water, using green cleaning products, not buying lots of processed foods, etc..... Not to mention that with daycare, it was too much to expect a provider to be on the cloth bandwagon.

I had also heard about gdiapers and thought that they mght work, but after the $ we spent on cloth, was nervous to invest any more money. So I let it go, though had hoped that maybe we would try with baby #2, but wasn't sure. Well, I was very excited when I got an email from g-diapers last week indicating a 20% off sale for mother's day. And I thought, this is my chance - what a great deal - it was the best I had seen. So I took the plunge.

I ordered the Medium starter kit and an additional diaper (the green one on sale of course!) along with some additional inserts. Here is the thing with g-diapers in case you are wondering what in the world they are and how they are different from both disposables and cloth - and the beautiful thing about g-diapers is that they are a mix! Here is a statement from their site:
gDiapers, which stands for green diapers, consist of a washable, cotton outer 'little g' pant and a plastic-free flushable diaper refill. They are made of breathable material just like sports clothing. So, babies stay dry and happy and are far less likely to get diaper rash.

When I got home from work Friday, I was so excited to see my box of gdiapers on the front porch. B and I opened them right away. I didn't want to waste his current diaper or waste an insert, so we waited until after bath time to put them on (see pics from his blog). They were so nice - the outer part was so soft and cottony - not at all like the cloth diaper covers I had. And then there is a plastic insert that snaps in to the diaper to make it waterproof. From there, you add the disposable liner and tada - ready to go!

Here is our experience thus far (almost 48 hours in to the world of g) - Friday night didn't go so great. B/c of my excitement, I didn't read all the instructions, especially the one that suggests you double line at night. So by 1am B had peed through his liner and was soaking. Since it was the middle of the night, I switched to a disposable. Sat morning we were back on though - and have had success ever since! Last night I double lined him and we had no problems at all! The site recommends you have about 4-6 cotton diapers with some extra liners, but I only have three. Since this is an at-home only diaper (i.e. won't be using it at daycare for now), I figure 3 is a good amount to start with! The one from Friday night still needs to be washed, but we have been fine alternating the 2.

So easy to do - so after I change b's diapers, I take the disposable insert, and break it down in the toilet with the swirl stick - then flush. Then I go put an insert in his extra diaper so it is ready for the change. The only thing I have not experienced yet is a poopy gdiaper - that is probably coming this afternoon! I cannot believe how easy gs are and will absolutely use them with the baby when she arrives!

gdiapers also sent a $2 off coupon for my next order and have a rewards club - after 10 purchases (save the upc code), you get a free diaper, pack of inserts, gc, or donation to their charitable organization. WONDERFUL! I already have my eye on the cutest diaper for the little baby girl!

Man - if only I had started with gdiapers or taken the plunge earlier, there would be that many LESS diapers filling up a land fill right now. Oh, that's the other great thing about gdiapers - say you don't have a good flushing toilet or cannot flush - you can throw away or compost b/c the insert breaks down in about 150 days! WONDERFUL!!!!! And the prices seem comparable to that of disposables. Love it! This mama is sold!

Patrick's Class

As you may remember, my brother is currently in Mongolia finishing up a 2 year stint in the Peace Corps. He teaches English. Returning this July (YAY!!!!!). Here is a picture of his class.

Nursing update

Maria's comment from my last posting reminded me that I had not mentioned the nursing while pregnant situation in a while. We are still nursing, kinda.... and thankfully the pain has mainly subsided, but I really don't think I have ANY milk in there. B nurses about every 48 hours (the nights I put him to bed) and a little bit more often on the weekends. the problem now is his teeth - he does not bite, but my nipples are so sore/sensitive from the pregnancy, that just having his teeth touch me it uncomfortable. The other hard thing is holding him while nursing b/c my belly is just so big now that I cannot find a way to nurse him without putting a strain on my back. I wish it were a more pleasant experience right now, but it is just not. Well, I take that back. I can handle it every 48 hours, but the three nursing sessions we had today have left me very very sore and since I am only nursing on one side now, it means all sessions occurred on the right side. Hmmmmm. I am happy to continue though b/c I know how much comfort it brings to Brennan and since he is easily frustrated these days, it is nice to be able to offer him something to calm him down during those few times when he seems inconsolable. I do hope to continue thru the last 9 weeks of my pregnancy, but just every other night - more than that and I want to throw in the towel.

On another note, one thing that Brennan loves to do now is rub my belly. I don't think he has any idea that there is a baby in there, though I tell him that all the time, but he loves to just feel it. And often in the mornings, he can feel his little baby sister kicking away. I think it is just so special that he is getting to experience it. Today he even kissed my belly!

Influencing others

So while my blogs primarily serve as a place for me to voice my own thoughts and opinions on things, and of course share updates about my pregancny and son, there is a part of me that also hopes I inspire others or encourage others to think a little bit differently than perhaps they thought before. For example, thinking/considering alternatives to how they give birth - challenging mainstream thought, doing a little more reading/research on things, etc..... Sometimes I feel like this may be happening based on comments my friends will make to me. For example (and this may not be entirely b/c of the blog, but also b/c of convos we have had), I have a friend who told me that she is approaching solid food differently with her daughter than she did with her son perhaps in part b/c of how she saw me do things with little B. Another friend watched the documentary, Business of Being Born and we ended up having a really great convo about it, which was awesome! And while I don't really have any other stories to cite, I am hoping that some of the things I say, believe, post, etc.... will encourage others to think about how they make decisions (regardless of the decisions that they make) and that going with what the dr thinks or just what is "normal" does not always mean BEST. We all are blessed to have so many options out there for us, but it is easy to fall in to the "decision isn't mine", "I'll do whatever the dr says" mentality. And while that is fine, I hope that my friends and readers take time to be more informed and confident in their own decisions. There is never one right way to do anything or even a best way. We are all different people with a variety of beautiful strengths and personalities and have to find what suits us each best for our own lifestyles and preferences.

Remembering Chelsea

Today I learned very sad news about a young woman that I used to babysit for:

Detrick, Chelsea Lee
Dear daughter of Trudy Guinther and Glenn Detrick and beloved sister of Liza Detrick, passed away on April 9, 2009. The twenty-four year old was a graduate of Webster Groves High School and Elon University. After receiving a Bachelor's degree in Psychology, Chelsea moved to Seattle where her first job was personnel assistant for the Washington State Ferry System. However, she spent the past 10 months struggling with osteosarcoma, a form of cancer. She leaves behind many loved ones around the U.S. and she misses them greatly. Services: A celebration of her life will be held at Webster Groves High School on May 9 at 3 p.m. In lieu of flowers and for anyone who chooses, donations can be made to a cancer organization of your choice or Virginia Mason Hospital where Chelsea received excellent care for 86 days. Virginia Mason Foundation P.O. Box 1930, Mail Stop D1-MF Seattle, WA 98111 Specifically: In Memory of Chelsea Detrick, funds to go to the oncology Fund. Please share your condolences and memories at Legacy.com

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/stltoday/obituary.aspx?n=Chelsea-Lee-Detrick&pid=126337287

I am so saddened to learn this information today. I emailed her father to share my condolences.

Chelsea and her sister Liza used to live down the street from me. They were the first family I ever babysat for. We used to have so much fun - did a lot of playing outside, reading, and playing house. Not even sure what to think.

mom confession of the week

Brennan takes an early morning bottle (5am - fun times) since AM nursing sessions never-ever-end and I have no milk. Anyway, we ran out of milk the other morning and so rather than just nursing or giving him no bottle, he got a HUGE BOTTLE of CHOCOLATE SOY MILK. I was horrified with myself, but only slightly. Maybe you don't think it's that bad. Yet I wondered.....I What would the dentist say? What habit am I creating? What kind of mother am I? Chocolate milk as a soother?

What is your mom/wife/womanly confession of the week? (this may have to be a weekly thing!). Feel free to remain anonymous too.

????

How did I leave the house today with a black skirt on and brown heels?

thoughts on weaning...

So as I have posted about previously, nursing while pregnant has proven to be a challenge. Not because of my ever-expanding belly but because of the pain that it causes me (and I hate to even say that b/c I think that I am the exception to the rule!). Supposedly the nipple pain should go away by the end of the first trimester, but not always, and of course, I fall right in to the not always area. When I first got pregnant, B-man was nursing 2-3 times a day (after work, before bed, in the am), but b/c of how it felt to me, I opted to reduce those time, or attempt too. Then we were at a before bed feeding and an AM feeding (except for nights or mornings that PJ took over in which Bman took a bottle, and gladly!). Well, for a while I had to totally cut out feeding on one side b/c nursing brought tears to my eyes, but then we resumed on both sides. Well, unfortunately, the left side is just very tender, so we now exclusively nurse on the right, which doesn't seem to bother B-man or me, thankfully. But b/c of the continued pain (and lessening supply) I did make the decision that we would try a bottle in the am for that feeding, which amazingly enough not only worked well, but got him back to sleep faster!

Here's where the problem comes in. Somehow I got it in my head that B probably needed to be done with AM feedings. So some mornings I wouldn't offer and after some fussing next to mom, he would eventually fall back asleep. These were rare events. Most mornings I would get the bottle, he would suck is down, and then soon fall back asleep for another 1-2 hours (nice for me getting ready alone and quickly in the am!). But the pressure of having two little ones has started getting to me and I have fallen in to the idea that not only should he not need the am bottle, but he should be sleeping in his bed more - mainly b/c selfishly I don't want to be getting up with two in the middle of the night/wee hours of the morning.

So this weekend we embarked on a bottle free morning. Yikes. I'm tired. Saturday and Sunday morning were full of tears, frustration, and little sleep. And why did I make that decision again? Lots of people had their opinions about all this for me (of course), which is fine (of course!) but mainly those involved getting rid of the bottle entirely. Which we weren't ready to do. Since B nurses to sleep when I put him down, the bottle is how is daddy gets him to sleep. It works for us. We aren't ready to give that up (we go to the dentist for the first time next month I am anticipating their feeling that we need to give that up - hmmmm....not happening), so we will not. Anyway, last night I was talking to my mom about the weekend and the no more bottle in the am plan and she was like, why? Is it necesary? What's the point? And at the time I told her that it was b/c I wanted him to sleep longer........but as this weekend proved, not only did that NOT happen, it backfired. So I have been considering my mom's words ever since...... and this morning when B woke up next to his daddy at 5:30am crying for his comfort bottle (and of course we were out of milk), I gave in and nursed him. Of course, problem with that is, with the bottle, it has a definite END and B will hand it to me and roll over to sleep. With me/nursing, there is no end in site with the am nursing and after 45 minutes this morning I could not handle it anymore (after the milk is gone it really starts to hurt again!) and popped him off, which resulted in tears and anger and frustration.

Needless to say, the am bottle full of lactose free whole milk resumes again tomorrow morning. And I think all members of our household are looking forward to the sleep it will bring.

influences

Do you ever wonder what has influenced you to make you the way you are? I was thinking about the book, Midwives, this weekend b/c I am reading another book by that author..... and then I noticed this post http://www.blisstree.com/breastfeeding123/the-red-tent-model-of-support/ about the Red Tent, and I wondered....as someone who loves to read, and who read both of these books LONG before marraige and children were even in my thoughts, did these somehow influence the decisions I am making today on some level? Of course, how I was raised, my general personality, and my desire to make researched and informed decisions also play a part.....but it makes you wonder.....at least it makes me wonder.....

documentary - the business of being born

So I meant to write this post last week when it was all fresh in my mind and I was all fired up, but tonight will just have to do (had a great weekend in STL btw, my dad was totally surprised for his surprise 60th party!). Anyway, last Thursday night I watched the documentary, The Business of Being Born. You may remember it from when it was first released - people all had their panties in a wad about Ricki Lake (Executive Producer) showing her homebirth in this film. Oh people, just get over it. Anyway, I really enjoyed the documentary. But it totally reaffirmed my feelings on what is WRONG with giving birth in America. The main word being intervention - unnecessary intervention. And how one thing leads to the next and the next and so on and how for the love of our child, it is so easy to say yes b/c how could you possibly say no when someone tells you that it is in the best interest of your child?

I did cry, no joke, at least 6 times during the documentary. Everytime a baby was born I became a blubbering fool - it was just beautiful to watch. More about that on mccoolbaby.blogspot.com.

Anyway - probably one of the things that really struck me was when someone that was interviewed (maybe one of the drs) talked about how giving birth naturally (and by naturally I don't just mean vaginally, but drug-free) doesn't come with a badge of honor. I remember people telling me that when I was vocal about my hopes for my birth with Brennan, and at the time it bothered me, but I could not pin point why or decide how I should best respond. But as someone else pointed out in this documentary, it is more about the experience than the result. And I thought - YES - yes, that is it - of course we all want the end result, a healthy baby - but the the story of a birth is something that you remember for the rest of your life and it should be so special and ideally the way you want it! And for me, that means intervention and drug free if possible. I want to experience the entire labor - and last time I was so thrilled to experience 13 hours of intense labor, but not thrilled with the outcome of a c-section. And this time I really hope that in addition to experiencing the labor, I get to experience the entire birth.

Okay, so back to my soapbox about c-sections. It just makes me sad to think that so many doctors encourage women to have subsequent sections instead of encouaging VBACs. Women seem to forget that sections are MAJOR abdominal surgery - and every time you have another one, you are putting yourself at greater risk for complications and infection. Why would anyone want to knowingly do that? Why would a dr say that is the best option? Yes, sections can be planned and quick and you don't have to wait for labor to run its course, but does that make it okay? And I understand that there are situations that warrant a section - especially in higher risk situations, but should they really be an option just for convenience? It just bothers me. I am thankful to have a dr who was like, of course we will attempt a VBAC. But why is my dr like that and others are not? why is it that every friend I know who had a section and then a subsequent pregnancy, had a second section (not trying to offend any of you who read this) - why is that okay? As far as I know, I believe that VBACs are a safer alternative and the recommendation yet our culture doesn't reflect that. Goodness, it is sickening to think that the US has one of the highest infant mortality rates in industrialized nations. What does that say about how we choose to have babies? Maybe we need to rethink doulas and midwives and birthing centers and women feeling EMPOWERED to make educated decisions about their births (and doctors who encourage and support dialogue and informed decisions - not just blind following blind).

My friend Maria has a few posts about this documentary as well which are very well written and interesting of course!
http://mariawj.blogspot.com/2008/03/business-of-being-born.html
http://mariawj.blogspot.com/2008/06/childbirth.html
and a few others if you do a search.

And as Maria mentioned and I agree - interventions do have a place in our society, even c-sections. I also think that we all have the right to make choices about what is best for our own births and should not be judged for our choices. That being said, I just wish drs encouraged more dialogue and that birth was not viewed as such a scary and painful event. Considering the history of it all, not that surprising, though not too late to change. Obviously Brennan's birth didn't go exactly as planned....but I can live with how it proceeded...

Obviously the Cow Goddess is on a c-section kick as well - read the last few comic:
http://www.thecowgoddess.com/

Uggh - sleep

Very tired today. B had a rough night. No afternoon nap, which meant bed time happened around 6:30pm very easily, but sleeping lots - not so much. Yeah, I am not so empowered as I was a week ago when I thought I had a plan. I told my husband this weekend, crying in the middle of the night, at least without me, is just not an option (last night I could not calm him down for anything!) and won't be. I am all for encouraging him to sleep longer in his crib, but not tied to the fact that he has to be there depending on the night and situation. I am also wanting to continue early morning nursing sessions, which means in bed next to me. Needless to say, I am just going with it...no plan in place anymore. I think. Headed out of town for three nights soon (not by choice) and dreading the use of the pump.......yuck, but I must, and I will.

Vote

Make sure you visit my baby blog to vote on if we are having a boy or girl! www.mccoolbaby.blogspot.com

:)

Funny comic

Not sure how many of you look at the Cow Goddess blog - but recently she posted a comic about sleep (if you don't, keep up with this blog and her Mama Is blog - both are hilarious! and topical without being too heated!) and referenced the book, Babywise. As you know, I think that book is like the Devil and I try to keep very openminded to all the different ways out there! http://www.thecowgoddess.com/2009/01/30/back-away-2/#comments - read the comments too - interesting!

Sleep

Have you been wondering how sleep has been going in my house? Well me too. And the answer is much better. I made the decision that I needed B to be sleeping in his crib for a majority of the night by the time the baby was born. I knew it was going to be a rough transition, and started mentally preparing myself for it. Then I started reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child which was interesting to say the least. I enjoyed many parts of it, disagreed with some things stated, and took a lot from it as well. That, paired with our style of parenting, nursing, and other things I have read, urged me to proceed. So about 10 days ago we started - I put B to bed and told him that tonight he needed to stay in his bed all night and that momma would be near and that I loved him. I also reminded him that when he awoke at 4-5am for his early morning nursing, that he could come to bed with me until it was time to get up.

That first night was the roughest - he woke up at 11pm and was easy to put back to sleep. But from 1-3am we spent some time together in his room. I really wanted him to STAY in his crib and not get used to me walking him back to sleep and that really took the longest. After that, things have been much easier, with a few set backs here and there. My next hurdle is to get him to not wake up or at least put himself back to sleep.

Perhaps this sounds selfish - but I just know that with two under two and me working full time, I have to get enough sleep to be a good mom. That may mean more crying than we are used to. The thing I have noticed is that if B cries in his crib now, it is not as painful - especially when it is the "I'm mad" cry or the fake cry. In fact, sometimes wen trying to get him to sleep he laughs when I look at him and cries when I look away - hmmmm.....attention?! LOL. Needless to say, I am empowered to continue our journey toward better sleeping for everyone in the house.

Oh - and i didn't mention this before. I knew that what we were doing wasn't working before - B was waking up so tired and crabby in the morning. As a result, I have made his naptimes and bedtime earlier each day to encourage more sleep. That paired with sleeping in his crib has really made a world of difference. I never thought it would - but sleep begets sleep. The book, as I stated before, had some good points. The best thing about it was that it supports extended nursing, nursing to sleep (which we still do), co-sleeping, and everything from this end of the spectrum to the other. He did mention the Sears and Ferber Methods and seems to be somewhere in the middle.

reading a new book

So upon the recommendation of a friend, I started reading the book, "How Weaning Happens" over the weekend - okay, I cannot put it down. I love it - and it really gives you some food for thought. In fact, PJ and I are not always on the same page with extended nursing, so I started reading parts of it to him (he is worried that I am stifling B's independence, which couldn't be further from the truth!) and marked other things I still want to share with him. I love the personal stories from other mothers in there. It reminded me why nursing is important and also gently shared with me that our nursing relationship will probably not end soon (though my goodness, I could do without the painful latch on - totally a preggo thing though!) and may continue into a tandem nursing relationship.

I love how the book points out that nursing is a key part of a child's development - it meets their needs to suck (rather than using a bottle or pacifier, not that I am opposed), it helps provide nutrition to a picky toddler, it helps provide comfort and closeness to mama, it helps develop independence, it helps create empathy and caring for others, and it provides a sense of intimacy between B and I (the look in his eyes when we nurse is like no other - melts me every time!). I wish I had the book here to reference, but I highly recommend and I am only 1/2 way thru!

Win a cool booster chair

http://www.mamasworldwide.com/2009/01/08/mutsy-grow-up-review-and-giveaway/#comment-512

Go to the site above, read the entry, comment by midnight, and you could win! Though I hope I win! :)

A few more thoughts and clarification

Thank you to all who are so supportive - it is so nice to know - I appreciate your comments and emails! I want to clarify a little something in my last post - please know that I would never want people to NOT ask me questions - in fact, I always welcome it. For those of us that choose things that may not be the "norm", it is common for people to ask and be curious - and hopefully that will open up more people's minds to things! What frustrates me the most is when people ask but DON'T listen to the response or judge without trying to understand. That is the frustrating thing for me. And luckily I don't have a lot of people like that in my life, but sometimes we can all get a little sensitive in any situation. So ask away friends!

Interesting thing going on - I am so sore when I nurse Brennan now - it started over the holidays but has gotten worse and more instense. In the book, "Mothering your Nursing Toddler", it actually states that during pregnancy it is common to experience pain - sometimes lasting for a week or two, but sometimes the whole pregnancy. Okay, so the pain is going on for a week, and I don't know if I can go on till July like this! Nothing is cracked or dry, it is just painful. And I think my milk supply is going down again. So, that being said, I am doing some gentle weaning or encouraging B to nurse less. Lately he has been wanting his "Nee" more (that is now his word for it - and seriously, it is so cute when he asks - he is kinda getting the hand motion that we use, kinda starts to lift my shirt, says NEEE, and then laughs when I say, oh you want to nurse?!) which of course I am open to, but not if it hurts this much! Over break, we were nursing quite a bit throughout the day - maybe 2-3 times during the day and 1-2 times at night. Well, as a result of the pain, my plan is to nurse when I get home from work and before bedtime (though PJ and I are alternating nights, so nursing before bed will only occur every other night) and then at 4 in the am when he wakes up. Usually he likes to nurse around 6-7am as well, but I have nothing in there - so I am offering a bottle instead, which he seems fine with. We'll see. This is a new development.

And with sleeping, I just go back and forth. Some nights I want nothing more than to have him next to me, but the nights when he kicks and kicks and is so very restlessness, I wonder, can I do this as I get bigger and more uncomfortable? Hmmmmmm....we'll see - taking it day by day. One change at a time is enough!

The book, Mothering your Nursing Toddler, is great though - really hits home with me and some of my feelings! Thanks for all the other book recommendations - I am picking up a book called, "Birthing from Within" from the library and plan to request, "How Weaning Happens" as well. Keep the suggestions coming - it is great to learn from each other!