Is it really that wise to be "Babywise"

So I had an opportunity to glance at the book, "Becoming Babywise". Are you kidding me - that book made me out to be the WORST kind of parent ever. How dare I breastfeed on demand and rock my child to sleep, respond to his cries, and participate in babywearing.

Okay, so I flipped to the chapter that was for parents who did not start the "training" with Day 1 (and who the hell starts training a newborn - yikes yikes yikes yikes - nothing like altering nature from the get go!) - and two of the things it told me were to Stop breastfeeding my child to sleep immediately and to prepare for some very long nights of crying. Why I am wondering, would any sane parent want to read on? But I was curious to some other things they said, so I flipped through some other parts.

I had to laugh - outloud mind you, when I got to the two test families - I mean, talk about extreme cases. Basically it boils down to the fact, that according to this book, I am going to have an overweight child with no confidence. Yes, that is correct. By choosing to breastfeed on demand, he is learning to eat whenever he pleases (let's not take into account that most babies eat WHEN THEY ARE HUNGRY and are excellent at self-regulating their intake unlike adults!). And that b/c I choose to NOT let him CIO (cry it out) and choose to partake in babywearing, I am not allowing him to develop his self confidence. I love it, just love it. Brennan, the most confident little boy, who is happy with just about anyone, loves exploring, loves trying new foods, and is happy to turn down food when full. Oh, and the book loved to use a phrase similar to, "Those attachment parenting parents...." and then proceed to put people who subscribe to AP down. Seriously. Thank goodness no one has recommended I read it.

In fact, I was discussing the book with another friend today, who is much more APish than I am and she told me that in her former life as a Family Educator, they often encouraged parents to STAY AWAY from the book and also noted that it has a cult-like following. Scary. What ever happened to following instinct and doing what feels right and natural?

On a happy sleep note - Brennan slept great in Arkansas - so great that I have attempted to mimic the room there - complete with darker curtains and a new loud fan! So far so good - naps were amazing today! And no wake ups tonight yet!

Wordless Wednesday (on Thursday)

Feeling lucky

So I am sure that most moms wish they had more time with their little ones, especially those of us working full-time, but I have to say, I feel really lucky with my work environment. Here are a few reasons why:

• FMLA Flexibility - when I had Brennan, I opted for 8 weeks off full time and 8 weeks part time, which used my 12 weeks of FMLA (of course it totally sucks that IU does not have short term disability availabe, which equates to what most of us know as paid maternity leave - yes, FMLA is time off, but not paid - you have to use PTO time!)
• Flexible working schedule - I have had no problems working my schedule around the way I need to - shorter lunch, leave early, working longer some days to work less others - as long as I am available for students, get my work done, and get my time in!
• No issues with pumping at work - I am blessed to have a private office with a door that locks (though I did get walked in on once!) - but never have I had an issue pumping at work. People just know not to disturb when my door window is covered. And I just have worked it in to my schedule (and gotten to be a good one-handed typer!). To be honest, I never really asked if it would be okay, just assumed it would be and it has not been a problem.
• Daycare is closed this week and next - but no problem. First off I have such fantastic family members who were all chomping at the bit to get some time with B-Man. Courtney came M-W morning and my FIL came R and F. Wed afternoon we were in a small bind, but I just had Court bring him to my work and it worked out! I love my co-workers. They took Brennan on walks and to play while I met with students and other times he just played in my office and had lunch with me. It was so so so great!

My hope is that IU does get short term disability soon - though my hopes are not high on this one! Really, I wish that nationally we had a policy on this. How I wish we were more like European nations that get PAID maternity leave outside of their PTO and for an extended amount of time - like 6 months!

Wordless Wednesday

note - I am now participating in Wordless Wednesday - who knew it was a blog thing?!

Ergo Baby

Yay for the Ergo - love it! Need to post a pic of Mr. B and I using it!

My internal religion debate

Lil B-man is not babtized and it causes me mixed feelings. I want him to be, because his father and I both are, but I am also not sure what my thoughts are on religion anymore. This has been an issue that I have found myself struggling with for quite a while - I ask myself questions like, Do I want to go to church? If so, which one? What do I believe? Can I challenge what is mainstream? Maybe I don't believe in God? Do I believe in God? Maybe I am a UU (unitarian universalist)? If so, should I join a UU church? Do I want to give up my Sunday mornings? If I don't does that make me selfish? What are the real reasons I think I might want to belong to something? How do I know what religion I should be? Do I want my son to be brought up in a church? If so, what values do I want him taught?

PJ does not and will not ever go to a church. I knew that when I met him and when I married him. I respect his opinion and view on the matter. I was raised in a variety of religion experiences - Catholic, Congregational, Presbyterian, United Methodist. Here is the deal - I am not tolerant of intolerance (oxy moron huh?!). I want everyone to be free to think and believe in what they want to believe in. I want everyone to love who they choose without persecution. I want children to be free to make their own decisions on topics such as religion and other social issues. So there is my issue. Where do I fit? If I choose UU, am I ready to say that I believe in the idea of Jesus and that he was a good man with good lessons, but not Jesus as a savior? Am I okay thinking that God may be something we have created that fits within the unknown world to make answering certain issues and dealing with certain things easier in this crazy world?

Honestly, when I think about what UUs believe, a lot of it really resonates with me. But perhaps if I found a very liberal Christian church, that will work too. UUs are a break off of Christianity, so often the services are similar and they celebrate the spirit of holidays, which I love. There is a United Methodist Church a few miles from my house that borders a downtown area that I want to try - I have heard it is very open-minded, very accepting of all people, and very service oriented. I love that! The UU church that I tried was not a good fit and there is another that I want to try, but I just haven't found a weekend that I am willing to give up my time.

No answers are coming anytime soon on this topic - it may be something that I struggle with forever - I pretty much know what I don't want, and know what I want others to be free to do, but not quite sure how it all fits with me and what works for my life. And really, for B-man too - I cannot leave him out of this equation!

Vaccine Article

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/pediatricks/vacc2008.asp Check this article out - he also references another vaccine authority.

Vaccines and Doctors

I have to say, I have the most supportive medical people in my life. I feel very blessed. Going back a little bit.....when I found out I was pregnant, PJ and I had a conversation about what kind of doctor we wanted to use. I was pushing for either our family doctor (who specialized in maternity care) or a mid-wife. PJ wasn't 100% comfortable with either option and really wanted me to use a standard OB-GYN. I was hesistant. I knew that I wanted to attempt to have a natural birth and wanted to have someone involved with us that would support this choice. At the time I was also leaning toward a water birth. I spoke to my doctor who suggested another doctor in the practice who WAS more of an OB-GYN but also a Family Practice Doctor. So we went with her. It was a great relationship. She actually went on maternity leave during my pregnancy, so sneaky me got to revert back to seeing my family doctor. Luckily the hospital that the practice delivers at is one of the more open-minded in Indiana (a hospital in which the word FORMULA was never even mentioned around me, let alone offered, a hospital where I was encouraged to room-in, a hospital in which there were lactation consultants ready at my call, a hospital that allowed me to be released MUCH sooner than normal for a c-section), which was important to me. I had the option of bringing in my birth plan and having it read and adhered to (which it was!) and had the option of having a room with a birthing tub (which we got!). Unfortunately, my labor ended in a c-section thanks to Brennan being Frank Breach (Click HERE to read the story).We knew that in the hospital we did not want Brennan to get any medications - no Hep shots, no vitamin K - we just didn't think it was necessary. Again, we were thankful to have supportive doctors.We have also opted into an alternative vaccination schedule. Brennan sees our family doctor - so no, we do not see an official pediatrician, though there is one in the practice should we need him. But, thankfully we have a healthy son.PJ and I pride ourselves on being informed parents. So here is my opinion on that...Too many people take what their doctors say to be gospel. I trust my doctor and we have a very positive relationship with him. BUT, we don't always agree with him and we have the kind of doctor/patient relationship that is open and therefore we are happy to share our opinions. I wish more people took an active role in their health. While we should not self-diagnose or never recieve medical care - doing research should be encouraged. There is never one right way or wrong way to handle a situation. There are always numerous ways and situation specifics may alter options. Doctors are human and have opinions - there opinions are based on their schooling, current research, and of course their own experiences. Those things cannot make anyone option the ONLY or BEST. For example, take introducing solids. My goodness, there is a lot of information out there. So many people I know go strictly off of what their doctor says. I am not indicating that is wrong, but it makes me sad. Who says that the doctor is correct. Is he up on all the research? Considering that there are so many alternatives and ways to introduce solids, can there really be one RIGHT way b/c the doctor says so? Too many people think that is how it should be.As parents, shouldn't we have the right and shouldn't our doctors expect us to question them and come in with our own opinons and research? I believe that it is our DUTY as parents to make informed decisions - not blindly go along with whatever the doctor says.And on to vaccines. Vaccines are a HOT TOPIC in children's medicine right now. There is no denying that vaccines save lives. There is not denying that they are a beneficial part of society. BUT BUT BUT - just because the AAP recommends a vaccination schedule - is that how it HAS to be? PJ and I opted to read the Vaccine Book by Dr. Sears, which was so informative. We made decisions based on our research from that book, our personal feelings, and through discussions with our doctor. We know that society views us as doing things the "strange" way, but honestly, we don't care. Our doctor swears that vaccines aren't linked to autism or that they are not the cause. We are not so sure. Yes, research can say that there is not a link but other studies point to the opposite conclusion. Who's right? Of course there are lots of variables to consider in studies as well (such as WHO IS FUNDING THE STUDY?!).Anyway, so far, Brennan has only recieved vaccines for three things - PC, DTaP, and HIB. We are delaying or opting out of all others. Why does my child need Hep A and B right now when those are sexually trasmitted or through IV Drug use? Why the chickenpox vaccine when there is no proof that the vaccine lasts forever when actually getting chicken pox does equal life long immunity. There are too many questions and variables with vaccines. We want to wait to see what happens with the research before we proceed. Thankfully our daycare situations have also been supportive of this choice. Anyway - bottom line - do your own research - read - don't take any word as gospel - make informed decisions that YOU and your family feel comfortable with!